emo hag

Can I still hold onto what I believe? I am afraid I will lost my way while I am searching for one… I felt partial lost, yet I am determine to search and along the way to search, there are definitely too a lot of obstacles happened. Can I just pretend that nothing had happened? Can I just move on without giving any concern? Can I just ignore them?

Having the feeling of living in complexity and finding myself drowning in it really withdrawing me to enjoy the meaning of life. When is the last time that I really felt happy and free? I really could not recall…or was that ever happened?

The more I try to clear my mind and set it free, the more I tend to hold back and let my memories freezes. How on earth that I ever can think clearly? Problems arise every now and then…whereby I could not just ignore and I also could bother too much…that’s my concept, but my own concept too…making it difficult…making it all complicated…

Anyhow…I think I am too emo…what an emo old hag am I?! Argh…..come come…who know how to get the key to set mind clear? Send me one…and let it free… I am desperately needing one…my mind stuck….
Damn…I am such an emo hag… ==”

8 years….

Wow…I must write and tell the world about this news. How on earth can it be that it happen to one of our friend?

Here is the story…

I have a friend, whom is a classmate scholing time whereby I am actually not so close with her. However, we still talk and do keep in touch via another friend. She has been dating happily ever since leaving school after SPM. Her partner was seen as a good guy and he flew to work at UK for couples of years…and there he went off and left her for 8 years…

8 years later, the guy came back with the pocket loaded with a lot of cash and reputation, he planned venture in Singapore and there he went off again…He purchased house at M’sia and planned to take over a hometown restaurant…whereby it was last run by my friend’s relatives. Well, not long after the guy left to Singapore, the relationship of them went wrong and lastly, they broke up, after 8 years of relationship…plus those planning to get married, plus those saving from the girl given to the guy and plus those trust that the girl laid onto the guy…

God is really a righteous God…..

One day, my friend was kind enough to help the ex-bf to type out some menu for the restaurant while the ex-bf was happy enough to lend his notebook for her to use…While my friend finished her job into typing out the menu, she accidentally opened a folder which contains a lot of videos…Strange enough, human is always full with curiousity…and she opened one of the video file to watch…and WTF…she saw her ex-bf fucking with other girls with the recorded date shown as those time before their break up…He is really a jerk playing on girls…and my friend manage to copy some of the videos…I haven got the chance to view it, but if I can…I am sure I will post up to the net, let everyone see who is this damn jerk that cheat on girls and play and wasted their time.

Hello!? 8 years of waiting and faithfully waiting…and there she goes…a broken relation-ship and her guy cheated on her… I personally have not yet seen this jerk…if not, I think I will spread the news and his asshole photo all over the world…and see how he is going to cheat on other girls…WTF!!!!

Somehow…there is a moral behind the story… ” do not let the guy to get all his or yours hard-earned money…because, when they are rich, they will become damn flirty and dirty…they will eventually lost control of their life and lastly…then, cheat on girls to survive and for money…Thus, in whatever situation, do not let the guy control your money…and do not let them hold too much money…they will drown by this…”

And…to girls…don’t be foolish enough to still believe that there is something called it’s worth to wait…..There is nothing that worth to wait…and time is clicking and year is passing…and there is no return…

In this case, 8 years has been wasted, and nothing can be done to replace those 8 years…and we aren’t any more younger…we are growing…and growing older…

My deepest concern to my friend…and I hope that jerk will get his lesson very soon, soon enough for him to realise, there is justice in the world… When human fail to punish, the verdict falls to God…we might not know, but God knows…

Happy Moo Moo Year…

Ok…right now, I guess my sister is driving down towards south to K.L…What? Why?

My parents will only have holiday during CNY, so, since I got my BF and he can run us to almost everywhere, my mum has planned to go down just to visit the new house and also walk around at K.L. What about me? I did not tag along. I have promised to organise a meeting tonight with the girls. Moreover, I just back from K.L…and now driving to there again?! I don’t want to involve myself in the in-laws business. Lets just says I m really anti-social…and I really don’t want to social. :p Who cares, as long as I don’t care… Kakaka…I am definitely selfish….

Well, trying to upload some photos at facebook, but yet, connection damn slow and lagg until I can’t even load it properly to comment on sotcat jing status… ==”

My brother just manage to transfer photos from his G900 to my notebook…I am still trying to get it done…

Saw 3 different fireworks at Dataran Bandar Baru yesterday night, while yum cha at La Foresta…Not bad, at least still can see some fireworks to celebrate CNY…Get me CNY mood…!!!!!

Happy Moo Moo Year to all…

If it’s hard to take back, it’s even harder to let go…

Conversation

YeN (X)U laugh it off, u get upset for a little while, u’re human & u let it go… Is Step.

*naf |c3 (R)-If it’s hard to take back, it’s even harder to let go…,appreciation is to honour, to love, and to treasure…Is Me

Step: Wei, beb

Me: yes dear?

Step: i like ur phrase, it is indeed hard to take bk, even harder to let go

Me: haha, u always liking my phrase de, thank you for da compliment

Step: i mean it, haha

Me: so…, ppl who liking it…suppose noe how it feels, haha

Step: yeah, the phrase u put lAtely macam kena with mY personal emotion…. i feel like, sumone outthere understand how i feel

Me: i always understand how u feel, dats why…i think…, we shared da same feeling… haha

*Conversation not ended, but that’s all I want to put up here* Hehe… :p

Just when I had changed my nick at msn to “;)*naf |c3 (R)-If it’s hard to take back, it’s even harder to let go…,appreciation is to honour, to love, and to treasure…” ; my friend send me the above msn messages.

I really thinks that if a person thinks that it’s hard to take back, it’s even harder to let go…

Not every people in this world have the courage to let go. Letting go is not as easy as it seems. It’s easier to be said than done. Somehow, if you ask me to let go…I felt heavy hearted,  I just felt that I don’t want to and my intuition just telling me to hold on without letting go.  This is why, I came out with this phrase…..this is why I appreciates as well…

Ad hoc lunch at Pyramid.

Okok…..we suddenly had an ad hoc lunch with some other labmates at pyramid today. Since baby evil is late and she will be waiting at Pyramid, bear suggested to have the lunch at Pyramid. So, there we go…..And WC came in to inform that 3 other guy from our neighbouring lab is joining, Alfred, Jimmy and Wai Leong.  We actually didn’t know what to get for our lunch. But the initial place that came into my mind when Bear is mentioning Pyramid is Kim Gary. Haha…so coincident as in, actually Bear is thinking the same place too…!

Well, After we reached and united with baby evil, we informed the guys that we were heading to Kim Gary instead of waiting them at Haagen Daaz. Haha…

We found something even more spooky…the 3 guys that went out are all having ‘Wai’ as their middle name.  It was quite an enjoyable lunch session as we planned to have something organised at 6pm later. Kakaka…we are now just waiting for the time to reach. Hopefully, the plan can work out well.

Will edit this post after the 6pm plan worked out. hahaha…pre-chinese new year celebration in the lab… hohoho… :p

Edited***

The 6pm plan to drink in the lab seem to be not working very well. Jimmy and the rest FFK…Haha…bacause Jimmy’s god-father P.C was there, and he could not make it on time, as in for Alfred, we have no idea when he went off.

Anyway, me, baby evil and wc still made the drink except bear, coz she was definitely busy for her leg babies.  When Jimmy finally got the chance to escape, our drinking session just over and we ask him to return tomorrow. We reserved for him and the rest. Kahkahkah…

Indulged in solemnness…

Today I saw a beautiful sunset when I am driving back along the way back to house. It reminds me of something that I once said to my friend-Step…I said that if I can choose to see sun rise and sunset, I prefer sunset. And why? Sun rise is beautiful, and yes…it’s absolutely amazing to have the privileged to watch sun rise.  For me…as my own individual opinion, I would say I like to view sun set and it is even more beautiful and definitely extraordinary to watch a memorable sunset. When we see the sun, changed itself  from a powerful bright light to a soft orange reddish color sphere…it’s really eye-catching. Plus the twilight atmosphere to accompany the sun to slowly eaten by the earth…it’s just twice amazing compare to sun rise. The moment the sun blended well into the sky background, we can feel that’s the moment too, our eyes and vision being capture by the sun and the scene. Maybe the meaning of sun set is not as inspiring compare to sun rise, but as for me, I prefer to have a happy ending than a happy starts.

Chinese New Year is around the corner. And yes, just as what I had posted at facebook, I felt solemn, no mood, not in the timing for celebration. All I know, is that there is a small corner in my heart, that felt sorrow, pain, and disappointment. Just because of this small little corner, it’s enough to affect my whole heart. I might look happy, and enjoying moments all the time. But what exactly I felt, no one knows it better than me and God alone.

Why? Why is this kind of sorrowfulness keep on appearing at this corner? Don’t misunderstood me. I am not meaning that it’s the time for me to find a partner to share my sorrow. I have my own consciousness that, I am definitely not feeling sorrow because of this issue. Instead, this is something deprived from what I had done to achieve, is not enough for me to achieve, for what I long to do, is not my destiny to fulfill.

Am I overstressed? Yes, maybe I am indeed too overstress myself for getting something or achieving something. My chest pain still follows…once in a while, this buddy pop up and cause me a chaos… Teach me, what I can do? What should I do? I am definitely indulged myself in solemnness, making it a pride for me to continue having it.

coincidences

How come….that the coincidence keep continuing…

Haha…I mean lovelybear doings and my doings…almost everytime so coincidently the same in most of the time. There were these incidents happened today…whereby I just arrived to Monash, and walking through the level 3 corridor pathway towards the gate to research lab. Then the same time, lovelybear is out from the research lab, and walkig towards the washroom. We of course, met each other anc collided…  and a couple of seconds later, I realised I haven’t fill in my water bottle…So, i make a turn…to my shock, lovelybear was also turning back… ==”

I am like OMG…why so coincident…?! So, I walked toward the water dispenser and filled my water, and lovelybear helped me to bring in the ‘angelic food’ for both watercloset n baby evil…haha

The second incident that happened the same day was…

Scroll down lar….

The second incident was… when I am walking towards to building 2 to pass some forms to DrLYY, I hesitated…while walking along da corridor way before reaching the the doorway to exit… I felt that sounds like someone is calling me, and I turn back. Then saw lovelybear standing outside the lab, looking at me. I am also blurred…I ask her..’what?’ sounds like I am so damn sure that she called me…but actually I am not. Haha…but then…she says she indeed called me…just as in like a whispering tone…but I heard it?

Weird but true…before this…there were already some coincidences happened and I am also shocked by these a lot of coincidences. Maybe some people just shared the same characteristic and the same thought…there is unseen bonds…in this world, between individuals…haha :p

Stupid regulation by the government

What the heck with the State Government of Negri Sembilan? To get a dog, must have the permission by the neighbours? I mean, respect neighbours, Yes…but what if the neighbours are those who originally couldn’t touch dog? For sure they prefer don’t have any dogs at the surround area, or even near them!

One of the person in the article mentioned that, why the same rule didn’t impose to those who have cats as pets? Suppose, if one animal we imposed this regulation, why the double standards? Birds, reptile,cats, and whatever animal also should have to get the permission, as they not only lived in the owner’s house, but also at the owner’s surrounding compound. So, if dogs were to be taken into this kind of term n regulation, the state government should have impose it to all. NO DOUBLE STANDARD!

How unfair it was, to those dogs lovers. They loves dogs and they want to keep it, but jst because neighbours opposing it, they can’t keep any dog at all? How come. The Negri Sembilan states government n local…please stand up for ur voice. Don’t let this unfairness and double standard! I myself felt that keeping a dog in my own house compound is my own matter. Just as if my neighbours keeping their birds, cats,  reptiles or whatever, is their own freedom! Back at my hometown, I also have next garden’s neighbour’s cats that comes out and stray at my house compound. This is also annoying and disgusting, because the cats not only making loud noice when mating, but also making noise at the roof silling every nights! Can I says that I want my next garden’s neighbours to get my permission too, to rare cats? They are just too annoying to me.

So, before imposing any regulations, please look into those pet owners opinions! take some survey, even you are government, you can’t simply impose rules as you like! We the rakyat elected you, and if you don’t have rakyat, you don’t even have yourself as government!

Thus, this is really rediculous to me…and I am definitely not happy to see the double standard. It’s only to dogs? How come? This is really unfair…and to dogs owners, I think we must get united and fight this. Don’t let the stupid government ruin our freedom to own dogs. It’s our freedom. Just as when we are giving opportunity to live on earth by God as well. Every creatures is a gift by God. Whoever opposed it, you are just condamning God’s kingdom!

No conversation at home.

I don’t know what to say. But for sure, I am not a person whos is very good in siblings talk. I dislike conversation with my own siblings. I kinda hate da feeling to talk to. I guess I develope this since I am very young and until now, I couldn’t help but to get a long with it. The only siblings that I will have a bit more conversation is my brother. No because he is the only brother, I also have an only sister, but the conversation with my brother is more neutral n natural. I just couldn’t start a good conversation with my sister.

It’s I don’t want to. I don’t have the feeling I want to talk too. Just says that I am too ignorance, cool or whatever. I don’t mind. Whenever I don’t feel like I wanna talk, usually it’s at home and it’s with my sister. Be it other friends from hometownmate, schoolmate, classmate, coursemate, labmate or even online game mate, I will definitely have conversation with them. The only one key word I have is, we at least share a small characteristic that bind us together. Else, for my brother, I always fight with him last time….Like it or not, the bond actually stronger due to this circumstances and it’s vice versa for my sister’s case.

It’s not that I hate her. I just don’t have anything to talk! And I definitely wanna repear, I DONT WANNA TALK.

Hope she can really understand it. It’s not too hard, if I already shows signals that I just dont want to talk, let me be! I am a person who will only talk, whenever I want to. If not, I will always shut my mouth off.

Some more, I am not those kind of person who felt heart broken if without siblings love. I don’t need siblings love, IF I am not destinied to. I just dont mind as well. As long as, I love my dog and God love me, that’s enough. Why I didnt mention I love God? I think I aren’t loving God fully. That’s my guilt too. But I can be sure I love me dog, and that’s for real.

Another question is, why I can talk so much with friends and not a word at all with my own sister? Not that I really have a lot of story to tell…because they listen and answer in the appropriate timing! Most of the time, my sister will just jump into conclusion, or make her own conclusion, or just ignore my conclusion or add in other irrelavant conclusion…and most of the time, I felt redundant at all.

When I was sick at Terengganu last time….I actually dont want to tell to anyone in my family, not even one at all! If not because the senior that brought me into the hospital is my sister’s friend as well, I dont think that incident will be leak out to any of my family member. I will keep it myself, I will do it myself, and even if I die (okok…touch wood, some more, it’s already over) also, I will keep it to myself. If I were to tell them, the only thing I cause, is to make them more worried. But, I told a friend at last too. So, the actual moment that time, was, I  myself only told my friend. I did not told my family regarding to that. It’s from my senior.

And, to make story short, I am definitely a person who rarely speaks at home. Don’t ask me to starts any conversation at home. I couldn’t.

Another talk.

Sometimes, there is a moment I will give myself a thought. That why am I so sturborn in something. Sometimes, I just can’t help but remain silence and I preserve my coolness. I don’t think that I am wrong into doing what I am used to. I seldomly reveal myself…my own trueself to the world. I might be consider as a person, who has dual personality…but that’s just me.

When I am doing things that I can do freely, people tends to ask me…”Is that what I want to be?” Who knows me better except God and myself? I can’t make anymore arguement as for there are times, I hate what I am now, but there are times, I had accept what I am in this life. Be it a realisation for me or not, the point is…I am still consider myself clear in what I wish to do.

There is this one time, a phrase from a friend “Our passion is just like the fire burning in the candle. It will depends on how long your candle and how soon you lit it on. Each of us only owns a candle and this candle alone will drives us the the utmost. Whoever lit it on during younger times, will have it finished sooner, and vice versa. For those who can still preserve the passion for the reason of slow burning of the candle, they will gain the most on earth in their life, for they know how to control their fire and they know how long is their candle. This is the blessing and gift from God, this is the will of His and yet given to us.”

I will remember the phrase…as there are  trueness in it and  meanings hidden in it…